Memories
It's New Year's Eve, Laura. The end of the year that you died. I don't know why that is significant to me, but it is. From now on in 2008, it will be "last year" that you left us. I am flooded with memories of New Year's Eves past. I remember how much you kids looked forward to it. I would get soda pop and chips and would make dip. Sounds mundane now, but it was a real treat for you kids back then. Then at midnight you would all grab some lids from pots and pans and go bang them outside and yell' "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!". We really did have a lot of fun. I'm not really sure if you knew that we didn't have much money. That was a decision we made so that I could "stay home" and be a full time mom. That is something that you older kids had that the younger kids did not. I busied myself being a Brownie Leader and a Room Mother and I loved it. It seemed like every kid in the neighborhood loved to spend time at our house. Remember I had to limit you guys to 2 friends each at one time? Still there was always a house full. I miss those days. If I had known that you would die so young, I would have spent more alone time with you. But, we can't know the future. I will love and miss you forever. Someday I will come and join you. Until then you live on in my heart.
I guess it's time to add another memory of you when you were little, Laura.
When you were about 3 years old you had developed into a very smart, but headstrong little girl. You believed you could do anything. You kept wanting to walk to the local store to get candy. Some older kids had brought you with them once. I kept telling you,"No. You're too little to cross the street by yourself." One morning you were watching Seseme Street while I tended to Mary who was about 1 1/2 by then. When I went back to the living room, you were GONE. I searched all over the house. Nothing!! I was frantic. You were still in your PJs, robe and slippers. I got the next door neighbor to watch Mary while I went to look for you. I checked with the other neighbors. No one had seen you. I searched and searched, calling out your name and becoming more frightened by the minute. I have no idea how long you were gone. Time seemed to stand still. I was just about to call the police when I saw you walking back with some other small kids from the neighborhood. I was so relieved. When I asked you all were you had been you said that you went to the store. I told you that you knew I told you not to, but you said that I said you are too young to go ALONE and you weren't alone. I couldn't believe that a 3 year old would rationalize like that. But, you did and I learned a valuable lesson about wording my directives to you very carefully.
You were only 8 months old when I got pregnant with your sister, Mary. There I was 21 years old and already having my second child. I worried about whether I could love another child as much as I loved you. Then the day before you turned 17 months old your sister was born. Any fears I had about loving her as much as I did you disappeared. She was as precious to me as you were. She was a few days old when we picked you up on our way home from the hospital. You had been told that you were going to be getting a new baby, but to you everything that moved was a goggie (doggie). We introduced you to Mary and you were like "Okay that's nice." and went off to play. Then when we were getting in the car and you saw Mary, You looked at me and said with a Question in your voice, "Goggie go Bye-bye?". I told you that it was not a doggie and that it was your new baby sister, Mary. You seemed okay with that, but I wondered if you would feel jealous because I was so busy with the new baby. I shouldn't have worried. You loved being the big sister. We had diaper service and I would send you over to get 1 in one hand for Mary and 2 in the other hand for you. And as young as you were you figured out. A few weeks after Mary was born someone came to visit the new baby and asked to hold her. When I handed her over to them, you freaked out and tried to grab her away. You said, "No! My baby!" I think you were afraid they were going to try to take her away. I calmed you down and explained that they just wanted to hold our baby. When you and Mary grew up, you continued to be closer than I could have imagined. You followed each other across the country. When one moved, the other was soon to follow. You didn't ever want to be too far apart. When you had only boys and Mary had only girls, you both said that Laura had the boys and Mary had the girls and so Laura's boys were Mary's boys and Mary's girls were Laura's girls. Even though you fought like normal siblings, the love you felt for each other was clear to everyone. And so now Mary is being, as Zach once called her, Aunt Mom. She will love your boys as if she had given birth to them. And so you can rest easy about that, my love.
Missing you forever, Mom
I remember the day you were born. I was so scared. 20 years old and not a clue what I was doing. I remember getting ready to leave for the hospital early in the morning and saying, "You know, I'm not at all sure I want to go through with this". Silly me. Like I had a choice. And then when we got to the hopital, I wasn't anywhere near ready to have you. So, I walked and walked and finally labor really started. You were born at 11:34 PM. I was so glad to see you. And oh God, I just fell completely, madly in love! You had no idea that I didn't know what I was doing. You just trusted me. We muddled through and somehow things worked out. You were the light of my life and my constant companion. I bored people so much by talking about you all the time. My mom remarked that it was as if I thought no one had ever had a baby before. But, No one had ever had YOU before. You were my treasure and now you are my treasured memories. Thank you, Laurie, for all of them. You will live on in heart forever. Mommy
Total Memories: 5
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I miss our life. 
The best part of all was seeing the joy in your eyes each time the boys hit the jackpot.
It was truly by far, my best Christmas ever. I'm glad it was with you. Honey, you were more than a wife. You were, without question my best friend. I enjoyed our time together. Because of our history, i suppose that was the reason we couldn't hardly stand to be away from each other. We never spent a night apart. Merry Christmas my love. i hope your family brought joy to your heart and a smile in those beautiful eyes of yours as you watched from heaven. I love ya LAURA D. ........... You're my angel. I guess the song by Aerosmith fits me now. You're my angel. Good night baby. See you in my dreams.
